Are you aware of what a ‘victim mentality’ is? Are you aware that you may be struggling with it?
We have a measure of choice and control over what we are aware of, But what we are unaware of controls us.
What, in simple terms, is a Victim Mentality?
While a victim mentality is not a recognised diagnosable condition, it is a commonly accepted term and has some other alternate names, such as victim syndrome and victim complex.
Those with a victim mentality hold beliefs that
- There is no point in trying to make a change because it will not work
- Others are to blame for their misfortune
- Bad things have happened in the past and will continue to happen to them
Are you aware that continuing to hold onto these beliefs allows them to develop into a powerful, forceful mindset? At its core, a victim mindset is rooted in trauma, distress, and pain most of the time. This leads you to feel vulnerable and afraid, and in turn, you choose not to take responsibility, placing blame on other people and making excuses even when there are actions you could take.
Is a Victim Mentality Permanent?
While it is understandable that you might feel this way after a traumatic series of events, the truth is that there are always multiple factors involved in any bad situation. While you may not have been able to control what happened to you in the past, you do likely have some degree of control over what happens to you in the future. You could try DISC profiling, which helps to identify underpinning behaviours and triggers.
In addition, the tendency is that when other people try to help you, you might retreat into self-pity and argue that nothing will work. Rather than allow this to happen, consider working towards meaningful change. Investigate tools like neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT).
One of the most common signs of a victim mentality is continued self-sabotage and negative thinking. The good news is that this is not an inherited trait; instead, you have learned to behave in this way. At one time, you were likely a victim, but you don’t have to continue being a victim.
Yes, your rights were violated, and you didn’t deserve what happened to you. You deserve empathy, compassion and understanding. And you give these things to yourself without waiting for anyone else to give them to you.
Some Signs To Be Aware Of.
You are not sure whether you are struggling with a victim mentality, so, here are some potential signs to be aware of and to watch for:
- Trouble coping with setbacks
- It’s hard to make changes in your life
- Everything is stacked against you
- Lacking self-confidence or experiencing low self-esteem
- A tendency to hang out with other people who also like to complain and blame other people
- You are hypervigilant to bad things that might happen
Attitudes that go along with a victim mentality to be aware of include:
- Feeling overly pessimistic about your future
- Feelings as though there is no point in looking for solutions
- Feelings of repressed anger
- Putting yourself down all the time
- Exaggerating the risks of situations or how bad they could turn out
- Seeing people as black and white or good and bad
Causes of a victim mentality to be aware of:
- Experiences of past trauma where this mindset was developed as a coping mechanism
- Ongoing emotional pain that makes you feel helpless or trapped so that you give up
- Having someone betray your trust in the past makes you feel like you can’t trust people going forward (especially in relationships with a parent, partner, or colleague)
- Secondary gain after the initial period (for example, making others feel guilty so that you get attention)
If you identify with any or all the signs and symptoms of having a victim mindset, you might be wondering how to get yourself into a better frame of mind.
Here are some tips to help you cope better and move to a better mindset.
- Choose to leave situations or accept them
- Read self-help-related books
- Speak out to reclaim your power to change a situation
- Seek help from a coach or therapist who can help you process past trauma
- Take responsibility for what you can control in a life situation and how you react
- Identify personal goals that will achieve outcomes you can work towards
- Figure out how to get the same benefits you have been getting with a victim mindset (e.g., self-care)
- Begin with saying NO to things that don’t align with your values or what you want for your life
- It is essential to forgive yourself or others who have harmed you (do not accept but rather forgive) to reduce hostility and trauma responses
Very Well Body + Mind = Wellbeing (that’s Ducon)
A word from Janet of Ducon –
“If you are struggling with a victim mentality, it is crucial to understand and accept that it is not your fault even though you may be in the habit of responding this way. If you struggled with trauma, then you have a genuine reason to feel like a victim. Nothing can take that away from you.
At the same time, you must show self-compassion to move past this situation and seek help if needed.
Continuing to dwell in a victim mindset leaves you feeling powerless, helpless and unable to initiate change in your life or business.
Whatever you can do to shift yourself out of a victim mentality will be the first step toward becoming the person that you want to be or could be.
If you would like to find out more about how Ducon can help guide you in releasing yourself from this mindset, please get in touch.”
